I Am Addicted!

I have been going to casinos for years, but more so lately. I have always paid my bills before I go so I justify that it is all right to be there. Lately though I have allowed my checking account to go under some as I have the protection of up to $300 that I can use if needed and just pay the interest.

This tells me that I have a problem. I've known I'm addicted, but I never had the cravings that I've been getting lately. I don't want help, I want more money to try and win. Last night I admitted to Steve that I keep feeling depression trying to come over me. I don't feel it when I'm at Prairie Meadows. I don't hardly feel my pain in my back when I'm there either. Can it be so bad??? Yes, I know it can and is. Right now I don't dare go out there. Friday is payday and I already owe part of that check to the bank.

I can see how people go overboard. My cousin lost his family's house due to gambling. They now live in an apartment. I am glad Steve hates going out there. He is always disappointed in me when I go. That hurts me worse than any money I've lost.

I'll be going to my sister's in Council Bluffs soon, and we always go to a casino there for a little while. I'm trying not to go to Prairie Meadows at all so I am able to go with Sue.

When I look back, sure I always pay my bills, but how much more could I have spent on my family, my grandkids, and clothes that I really need but never buy because I don't have extra money. Also, I could have started my 401k so much sooner and Lakeview would have matched it up to 6%. I never look to the future until it is almost too late.

The sad thing is I don't want to change. Oh I don't want to go out there as much, but I still want to gamble. My grandfather on my mother's side made his living by playing cards. Could it be in the blood????? Halfmoon